All That’s Left Unsaid by Tracey Lien

Lien painted well the complex relationships in Asian communities. We’re all familiar with the trope that is the tiger mom terrorizing her timid, academically gifted children. But Lien reveals that high expectations are not limited to parent-child relationships. She writes about the nuance and tension between two young women, Minnie and Ky, who are childhood best friends that grow apart.

This book helped me understand my own growing apart from my best friend from high school. We didn’t have a dramatic fallout like that of Minnie and Ky. Though we didn’t have a definite end to our friendship, we did choose paths that made us become less alike as adults.

In the same way my immigrant parents held me to high expectations, I upheld my friend to the same yardstick. I expected my friend to stay on the narrow track that I adhered to. While outwardly accepting and celebrating her life choices, I secretly believed the same fears that my parents had for me, that if my friend did not make the ‘right’ choices to pursue stability, she would end up ruining her life. I assumed these paternalistic fears for her because I cared.

To be honest, I’m not sure if I still agree with her life choices. I can’t wholeheartedly celebrate her life because I am too aware of the comforts of stability and good income. But I can at least understand why I judged her so hard. And I now see that we are both striving for things that we each believe are important. Though our goals and milestones may look different, we share the passion and drive for getting what we want. I think this book made me truly appreciate our differences.