Communion by bell hooks

“There is no love without justice.”

― bell hooks, Communion: The Female Search for Love

Communion delivers a sharp expose of the underbelly of patriarchy. hooks brings into focus the uncomfortable fact that real love is impossible where dominion and submission, the pillars that uphold patriarchy, are involved. I now see love differently, with less giddy interest and more concern about its role in keeping women in submission. For the first time, I reckon that love, as defined by patriarchy, could harm women.

With piercing questions, hooks confronts both patriarchy and us women. Who says women are born better at loving? Exactly who benefits when millions of women believe this and labor to love (for free)? Most importantly, how do we find the courage to abandon these beliefs?

The biggest reward for me from this book was being able to acknowledge that I am no better at loving than men are. This resolved a discrepancy that’s nagged at me for a while. As many women do, I’ve always felt like I am and should be the more loving one in my romantic relationships. In practice though, I find myself imitating my partner in the many ways he is kind and caring. Though I am supposed to be the embracing, warm woman to my cold, logical man, the reality is that I’m taking cues on loving from my partner.

I want to end this review with gratitude that bell hooks has put in the work to think and iron out such insightful analysis for us. I wish I could write more original thoughts about feminism after reading her book, besides describing how awed I am by her work. Communion was my first bell hooks and I guess you could say, I’m hooketh (haha).